


My immortal (but it's Harlivy)

by AirSteps



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU, Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: F/F, References to My Immortal, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 00:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16294742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirSteps/pseuds/AirSteps
Summary: What have I done





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hAHAHA

Hi my name is Pamela Lillian poison ivy isley I have green skin(thats how i got my name) and long red hair that reaches my mid-back and green eyes like liquid poison. Everyone tells me I look like a hesperantha (AN: if you dont know what that is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to A Venus fly trap, but I wish I was because its a major hottie. Im a gotham rogue but my teeth are straight and white. I also go to this place called arkham assylum, where im on my seventh day. I'm a botanist, if you couldn't tell and I wear mostly green. I love the forest and get all my clothes from there. For instance, today I'm wearing a green pair of tights, green boots, and a leaf. I was wearing red lipstick, black eyeliner and green eyeshadow. I was walking outside Arkham. The sun was gone and it was raining and watering all the plants, so I was happy. Batman stared at me and I stuck my middle finger at him.

"Hey red!" a voice shouted. It was... Harley quinn

"What's up harley-girl?" I asked

"Nothing." She said shyly. 

But then I heard my plants call me over and I had to go.

 

Chapter 2.

 

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my greenhouse and drank some tree sap from a bottle I had. My greenhouse was clear glass and inside it was green vines with green leaves on the ends. I got out of my greenhouse and took of my giant greenpeace t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a green leather dress, a woven vine necklace, combat boots and red lipstick on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, selina (AN: catwoman dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her short cropped raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her "you stress meowt" t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (red lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Harley Quinn yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like harley?" she asked as we went out of the Arkham common room and into the Dining Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, haerly walked up to me.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." She said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, guns 'n' roses are having a concert in Metropolis." She told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GNR. They are my favorite band, besides savage garden.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" She asked.

I gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know Melanie martinez is cursed but I wrote this before stuff happened and anyway this whole story is cursed.

….  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffam ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN CATWOMAN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Guns and Roeses

On the night of the concert I put on my green lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped black fishnets. Then I put on a green leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GNR. I painted my nails green and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some dark red lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some plant nectar so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Harley was waiting there in front of her flying car. She was wearing a Melanie Martinez t-shirt (she would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl gurlz wer it ok!).

"Hi Harley!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi pamela." She said back. We walked into her flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Guns and roses and Melanie Martinez. We both smoked cigarettes and w**d. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Guns n roses.

"Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place  
Where as a child I'd hide  
And pray for the thunder  
And the rain  
To quietly pass me by." sang Axel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Axel is so fucking hot." I said to Harley, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Harley looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Harley sensitively and she put her arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know axel and he's was going out with that model Everley Erin. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did harly. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked the band for their autographs and photos with them. We got concert tees. Haerly and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Harley didn't go back into Arkham, instead she drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok pamela's name is PAMLEA nut mary su OK! HARLEY IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat she is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"HARLEY!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Harley didn't answer but she stopped the flying car and she walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"pamela?" She asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Harley leaned in extra-close and I looked into her gothic red eyes (she was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I harlet kissed me passionately. Harley climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. She took of my top and I took of her clothes. I even took of my bra. Then she put her fingers into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….BATMAN


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My name's Joker, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
> 
> "Why?" I exclaimed.
> 
> "Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
> 
> "Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
> 
> "Really?" he whimpered.
> 
> "Yeah." I roared

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Batmna swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

 

Chapter 5.

Batman made and Harley and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Haelry comforted me. When we went back to the castle Batman took us to The arkham staff who looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked the Arkham staff.  
"How dare you?" .

And then Harley shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Batman and everyone still looked mad but an arkham nurse said . "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Harley and I went upstairs while the staff glared at us.

"Are you okay, Pamela?" Harley asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to my cell and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut green floor-length dress with green lace all around it and green high heels. When I came out….

Harley was standing in front of the bathroom, and she started to sing sweet child o mine I was so flattered, even though she wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and she reluctantly went back into her room.

Chapter 6.  
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

 

The next day I woke up in my greenhouse. I put on a green miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with green leaves all over it and high heeled boots that were green. I put on two pairs of flower earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with weedol. 

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with treesap instead of milk, and a glass of green juice. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the juice spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky green hair with purple streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He was wearing red contact lenses just like Harleys and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like axl rose. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Joker, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Harley came up behind me and told me she had a surprise for me so I went away with her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even reading this

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life  
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Panmlea isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A BOTANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

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Harley and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Botanist sings on my nails in green nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Harley. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Harley. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. She felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my green leaf bra and she took off her pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then she put her finger in me and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Harley, Harley !" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Harley's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Harley pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Harley ran out even though she was naked. She had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's cell. Where he was being taught a lesson by superman and some other people 

"Vampire JOKER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

Chapter 8.  
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep!

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Everyone in the halls stared at me and then Harley came into the room even though she was naked and started begging me to take her back.

"Pamela, it's not what you think!" Harley screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Barbara Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic red hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Batgirl was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but her mother got killed and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Gordon. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in rouges gallery now not GCPD . )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Supermna demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Harley!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Pamela was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Pamela) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked kara, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Harley anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Harley and then I started to bust into tears.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't read this if you wish to live

Chapter 9.  
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if batmna swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson supermna dosent lik joker is coz heschristian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Harley for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Harley.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no hair and everything started flying towards me! He didn't have any hair (basically like Lex Luthor in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Lex Luthor!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Lex shouted “LEXCORP!" and I couldn't run away.

"isis!" I shouted at him. Lex fell over and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Pamela." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire joker!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Axl Rose. I remembered that Harley had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Harley went out with Vampire before I went out with her and they broke up?

"No, Lex!" I shouted back.

Lex gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Harley!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Lex got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to hArley!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Harley came into the woods.

"Harley!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." she said back but her face was all sad. She was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Axl rose and Gerard Way. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." she answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." she said all depressed and we went back into Arkham together making out

Chapter 10.  
AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a superhero afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

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I was really scared about louthr all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between Guns and roses, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco,   
Aquaman (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Mr freeze. Only today Harlwy and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Harley was probably slitting her wrists (she wouldn't die because she was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a green leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plants on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Pamlea! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, lex luthor came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill joker! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Harley. But if I don't kill Joker, then luthor, will fucking kill Harley! " I burst into tears. Suddenly Harley jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" she shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Harley started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly batman walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Pamela Harley has been found in her room. She committed suicide by slitting her wrists."

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr @star-collapse


End file.
